How to Help Your Teen Establish Good Habits (Through the Power of Keystone Habits)

Y'all, I'm obsessed with habits. And for teens that struggle with executive functioning, habits are an incredible tool. 

Because, look--does your teen struggle with...

✅ ...working memory? Make the behavior a habit they don't have to worry about remembering it anymore.
✅ ...task initiation and completion? Habits take away the need to rely on motivation: the habit becomes just what we do.
✅  ...time management? No more procrastinating or waiting until the last minute when your habit is to start right away.
✅  ...organization? No need to get overwhelmed about keeping track of schoolwork or keeping your room clean if those things are automatized through habits.

But the truth is, the hardest part of creating good habits is starting them. 

That's where the power of keystone habits comes in.

Keystone habits are the powerfully influential habits that tend to have a cascading effect on all our other behaviors. These habits can have an overall positive or negative impact on the rest of our behaviors.

Take Sam [not his real name], a student that I worked with. Sam had a keystone habit of playing video games when he came home from school. He (quite understandably!) argued that he needed a break after being in school all day before jumping straight into schoolwork.

The problem was that, once he started playing video games, it was very difficult for him to peel himself away from the screen. Hours would go by, and he'd lose all motivation to do any of this schoolwork. This was a keystone habit that was not serving Sam.

I convinced Sam to switch out his video game habit, which was negatively impacting his ability to meet his other goals, with a keystone habit of going for a short walk when he got home from school. This habit did two transformational things for Sam:

1. It preserved his time for rest before jumping straight into schoolwork.

2. It made him feel energized and motivated to get his homework done when he got back.

That's what keystone habits can do. They can set us up to make all kinds of other good choices. 

So what are other keystone habits that can set our teens up for success? When working with clients, I suggest two times of day to focus on building a keystone habit: first thing in the morning, and first thing when they get home from school.

And the powerfully positive keystone habits I suggest are:

1. Eat a nourishing breakfast. This helps with energy and focus throughout the day, and can even make your teen more likely to make other, healthier choices throughout the day. Prepping breakfast the night before is a great strategy.

2. Move your body. This can be something as simple as a round of jumping jacks, 5 minutes of stretching, a walk around the block, or 10 minutes of flowing through yoga poses. This gets blood flowing, boosts serotonin levels, and increases motivation.

3. Make your bed. This tiny habit has been correlated with all kinds of other positive outcomes, including a greater sense of peace and well-being. It can also inspire your teen to keep other areas of their room clean. 

4. Practice some kind of mindfulness exercise. This can be as simple as a 5 minute guided meditation, a page of free-writing in a journal, or just setting an intention for the day. Studies show that young people that connect with their feelings and goals are more likely to achieve those goals. 

Okay, but how do you get your teen to buy in, right? The overall principle I suggest is to make the habit easy, fun, and rewarding for your teen. Here are some specific strategies you can try:

1. Have them prepare breakfast the night before

2. Try and if-then strategy: "Yeah, you can play video games, but just remember you have to go for a walk first."

3. Make it a requirement, but give options: "Hey, we’re gonna work on creating some good habits together, and i’m gonna give you some choices. You can stretch with me for five minutes every morning and we’ll play whatever music you want, or you can come down and journal for five minutes every morning."

4. Make it a challenge. Promise them a small reward if they try to implement a keystone habit every morning and afternoon, and have them notice when that habit seems to lead to other, more positive habits. But don’t be too over the top about that, because teens can sniff that s*** out and will probably deny any benefit. 😂

5. Model great habits yourself. If you keep bugging your kids to read, say, but they never see you read, they're more likely to resist your demand. Model the habits that you want them to implement, and it's more likely that they'll eventually buy in.